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Thursday, November 10, 2011

My Awkwardness is Mortifying! {a confession inspired by The Truthful Mom}

My good friend Sarah, aka The Truthful Mom, wrote a blog post about her awkwardness today.  I love her blog because it truly is Truthful, but also insightful and unbelievably candid.  She inspires me with all of her posts.  Go read her stuff.

Her post today made me think of my #1 most awkward moment... which I have never confessed to anyone.  Ever.  Until now.  Feel special that you're reading this.

Before we were married, Jim and I lived in a really cool rental house in midtown.  We were young, childless, and partied... a lot.  We stayed up late, slept in late, had sweet parties and barbecues, walked to the nearby (and plentiful) bars and restaurants, and had a ball.  On weekdays, the morning was a rush to get ready, feed the cat, and get to work (well, at least for me - he worked from home), with a quick pit stop at the Starbucks around the corner if I had time.  On weekends, we slept through breakfast, usually skipped lunch and went out or barbecued for dinner.  Looking back, I'm so glad that we took advantage of that time of limited responsibility!

Anyway, back on point...  We lived next to this really awesome family - mom, dad, young daughter - who were totally cool and weren't bothered by our late nights whatsoever (we were, however, very respectful and quiet when outside late at night).  Our porches faced each other, so we did a lot of chatting across the driveway.

One day, just a couple of weeks after we had moved in, the mom asked me if she could borrow some eggs.  That's something neighbors do, nothing awkward there.

However... my response: "oh, sorry, I don't have kids."

Um, WHAT?!

Read that again, and tell me that I didn't just stick my entire foot squarely in my mouth.

Yeah, AWK-WARD...

She looked so confused.  She half smiled at the idiocy of my response, said thanks, and went back inside... while I stood on my porch dumbly, wondering why the hell I had said that.

That incident of extreme awkwardness still haunts me to this day.  I am not even joking.  I think about it way more than I'd like to admit.  I have tried to justify to myself why those words came out of my mouth... kids eat eggs, I don't have a kid, so that's why I don't have eggs... but come on, REALLY?  Like adults don't eat eggs?  What I meant was, we live a frivolous lifestyle that doesn't include making breakfast or baking or anything requiring eggs, so no, I'm sorry, I don't have any eggs for you to feed to your child.  Sigh.

What a moron.

What was your most awkward moment?  I challenge you to beat mine :)


Did you know?
In logic and rhetoric, a fallacy is usually incorrect argumentation in reasoning resulting in a misconception or presumption.  Such as the hasty presumption that one does not have eggs because they don't have children.
(source: Wikipedia... except the part about the eggs)



  1. Dying laughing. Because I too would not have had eggs. Ha!!!!! Love this!

  2. DYING laughing. This is too freaking funny. I can relate -- there is no way I would have had an egg. I totally see your stream of thinking there. Ha! Love this.

  3. Soooo funny!! That made my day!! :)

  4. Oh this is hilarious! Made my day! ;)

  5. do you keep eggs on hand now? haha

  6. Great story!:) made me laugh, and i'm having a bad day!

  7. Gotta love those awkward moments! Mine is kid-related, too (in a way). A little background: The first time I was pregnant, I ended up having a miscarriage. It was horrible, but I won't go into those details now. After that, it took over 2 years before I was able to get pregnant again. I prayed and prayed to get pregnant, and meanwhile I had pregnant women all around me complaining about the most trivial things. I promised I wouldn't do that if I ever was able to get pregnant again, because listening to those complaints made me feel awful and I questioned why they were able to get pregnant and not appreciate it and I couldn't. Fast forward nearly 3 years, and I'm with a coworker (also pregnant), and she was one of those nonstop complaining pregnant women. Every day, 24/7, she was complaining. Finally, she looked at me and asked why I never complained. I tried to give the simple answer - I truly didn't have many complaints. She just kept pestering me and pestering me (if she was miserable, all pregnant women must be, right?!?), so I finally blurted out, "After my miscarriage, it's taken me over two years to conceive this baby. The whole time, I had pregnant women complaining about the stupidest things, while I wished I could be in their shoes. I'm finally in their shoes, and I know others struggle with infertility, and I'm not about to put them what I went through listening to pregnant women b****ing about such insignificant things. I'm thrilled to be pregnant and wouldn't dream of complaining." Cue awkward silence...and then she said, "Huh. Never thought about it that way." On the bright side, she complained a lot less after that.

  8. Thank-you for the laugh and what a funny story!

  9. LOL. I really shouldn't be laughing at your expense. :-D


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