One of my best friends sent me the following bulletin that was posted on her company's intranet this morning:
The Company* is warning staff about a zombie apocalypse on their intranet.
Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse? Then you're ready for any emergency. If not, do you know what should you do before zombies arrive or natural disasters or pandemics actually happen?
First, have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp. (Or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored.)
Next, sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan:. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door, or an earthquake, flood or other any other emergency struck.
Look for the zombies roaming around The Company* today and ask them for a tip card on emergency preparedness to help you build your own to-go kit.
*company name changed for confidentiality reasons
The following conversation ensued.
She :: They are coming after you.
Me :: Oh crap, I better make up my emergency zombie plan pronto!
She :: Since my parents live by the cemetary they have a kit ready.
Me :: Does it contain a machete?
She :: Apples. Zombies hate apples.
Me :: Oh good, I just bought apples. I should be covered.
She :: What kind of apples?
Me :: Honeycrisp. They're hard and sweet, best to combat zombies. Breaks their teeth and fights off zombie funk stench.
She :: Those don't work. You'll need golden delicious.
Me :: Your information is questionable. What does golden delicious offer that honeycrisp does not?
She :: Who knows.
Me :: I think I'll plant a barrier of golden delicious trees around my property, hopefully they are quick to grow. What else do you suggest that I have in my kit?
She :: Lava.
Me :: That's hard to come by this time of year.
She :: And it has to be from
Me :: Do you know a good Indonesian lava importer? Maybe they will also sell machetes…
Then we got bored and moved on to the topic of outrageous birthday cakes for 1 year olds. But that's a conversation for another post.
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